I have not been posting much or present in this business, as you may have noticed. I feel the need to be transparent as to why, not because I owe anyone an explanation, but because it’s important to share the harder parts of our journeys along with the feel-good beauty that occurs in our lives.
I was not practicing what I preached. Here I was, posting about stepping up and into your fear, saying how much beauty exists in that process and that choice, only to realize I refused to accept it in my own life. I realized I was not walking my own walk or talking my own talk. I realized I had been lying to myself, purposefully stopping my own growth due to comfort.
How can I push people and tell people to choose discomfort, to choose courage if I myself have elected to stay comfortably uncomfortable and afraid?
Sometimes doing the best work for yourself means becoming obscenely honest about why you are unhappy. I made a handful of decisions to reclaim my power, my freedom, and my life. This has led to a period of transition for me, personally. There are many unknowns, lots of change, and copious amounts of releasing, surrendering, and healing.
Often times, in my experience, life gets messy. There is fear of judgment to confront, fear of trusting oneself to face, and there is fear of happiness, of freedom, and of authenticity. A plethora of questions pops up:
What will I lose?
With whom will I lose connection?
What does my life look like after I make this change?
Will my friends and family understand?
Allow yourself to be honest. What truth is too ugly, too difficult, too painful to admit? Shedding your light onto this truth with honesty and compassion allows you to break the chains and bonds to which we are willingly attached, discovering we are indeed willingly attached to them. You are powerful enough to choose another way.
Allowing your life to fall apart is really an act of allowing your life to fall together.
I am sorry for my silence. In the interim, I have found peace, love, freedom, and joy just as much as I have felt guilt, grief, sorrow, and sadness (what value would the former truly have without the latter, anyway?).
I am ready to step back into the light once more and love myself wholly and completely to best serve you. I love you, and thanks for reading.